The First Recordings (2010 Versions, First Takes) CD1

by Sorrow Stories

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about

First takes 2010

Note from Tina Forlorn:

These songs are very raw and were recorded when I didn't have good quality/or the right equipment nor any experience or knowledge of recording/production. Many of the tracks were recorded at the time of creation, often having only just decided how the music or singing was going to go, sometimes upon hitting the record button. Therefore, these are first takes, there are mistakes but there is a natural experience that can only be captured from the first time which for those of you who can look past these things, can hopefully appreciate. Somewhere in the future, you may hear these songs from me again in better quality and/or as different versions.

credits

released August 27, 2015

All music,lyrics, production & rights by Sorrow Stories.

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Sorrow Stories London, UK

Sorrow Stories is an One-Female Band created by Tina Forlorn.

On database with 'The Main Idea', a US company who are known for TV Ads.

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Track Name: A Dreamscape For My Misery
A DREAMSCAPE FOR MY MISERY

The itchiness is crawling over me
A dreamscape for my misery
Is collected in a large medicine bottle
As a fragment of sweat drops down
I know I'll never be found
Where I've escaped to has no exits

Is it me that's disppearing or has the world grown smaller?
I used to see a tiny hope of the dreams I was after
Have all the harsh realities corroded my broken mind?
Will I arrive at the place that will settle my thoughts
before I die?

The cravings are all that's controlling
There's never enough to stop this bleeding
and poison numbing away this pain
The drowsiness is disconnecting me
but here I am closer then I've ever been
To understanding what I may, otherwise, never know
Track Name: Broken
BROKEN

I find myself trembling in these fits of madness once more
Wishing I could find a reason I'm still carrying on
For I have run out of all excuses to still be here

I have lost myself in a million places unknown
To everybody else, they just feel like home
but I am kneeling down before my tears

I have pretended to be all the ways they wanted to see
I kept aside all my pain, until it burst it every vein
As I wrap around the tourniquet before it's released
Where I can see myself again

All that ever meant anything is losing itself to my memory
I'm tattooed with pain and the ink won't run out on me
How can I exist when I'm dying like this
and sadness is all that is there to greet me daily
How can I exist when I'm dying like this
and killing myself is all I think about lately

I have all these intentions and no way to carry them through
Pain holds my deepest affections and is all that stays true
Through the passage blocked ahead

I have no concept that isn't real and isn't an illusion
In my cage where there's only corners I cannot turn
and I'm stuck, I'm helpless, I'm dead
Track Name: Death Signs
DEATH SIGNS

My words are kept, always limited
Until the meaning of them have diminished
and all I'm left with is another hole
I feel so estranged from those I thought were close
Where once I was a convience
Now I'm just too much bother

I felt like I'd never slept in years
I was watching them pass through dreams
Where no good ever came true
I don't remember falling for the cliches
When I always knew that love isn't real
but I never forget how it feels
to lose what I've never had

Death used to look so appealing
but now I need so much more
I know that all the ugly places
Start at each road I've seen before
and they just repeat again...

I'm searching for something that will never be in my reach
and I cannot lay it to rest
No matter how many thoughts I change
There is no need to pretend that you care
I know that you're not really there
I'm just hallucinating

The days just get darker...
Until the nightmare's complete...yes, they're complete, at last
Track Name: Delivery Times
DELIVERY TIMES

I feel the loss of infancy
They're shadows always on my back
I nod into the silence of a perfect dream
that hurts so much to awaken from

The passing of time is just a
reoccurring moment of countdowns
A memory so bleak is never
Truer then right now

My heart is beating slower every day
Soon, I don't think I'll feel at all
but you won't see me complain when it comes
What's one more breath when you've already gone

Strangling thoughts wrap themselves around me
Pulling tighter...pulling tighter...pulling tigher

I'm losing every ability to satisfy
anything that's always kept me wanting
I think I finally found the way is just another trapdoor
The isolation that I'm left with squashes me into corners I've never known
Each tear that trickles down my face is falling into nowhere
The bloodstains on my sleeve never dry out

If your wishes really were held at your fingertips
Why can they always let go?
Track Name: Fate Or Curse?
FATE OR CURSE?

Slow down because I can't take it
My head just spins like a coin
Heads or tails, it will always be
The opposite to what I guess

It's so easy for them to tell me to just to forget about
All the things that they have that I have lost
All the things that they never had to lose

but nobody tells you how to deal with the pain
but they'll always tell you to make it go away
but it never fucking goes away, does it?

Hurry up, I can't wait any longer
To start to feel any better
Start or stop, I always end up
Paused in between somewhere

It's so difficult for them to understand the way I am
All the things that I have ever felt
All the things that I ever think

There really is no way out for me
but you could never really see
Even if you wanted to
There is nothing more that I can do
That I haven't already
You can't say I never tried
That's all I ever did

I fight just to wake up, at the end of each day I don't know why
I strangle my own words so you could never feel the hurt I have inside

When does it get any better?
How can I always feel worst than this?
Track Name: Here, Again
HERE,AGAIN

Your lips cannot kiss away
The bruises on my heart
That you never fail to leave behind
The images you say you need
but call meaningless
Can't you see?
How they're the end to my mind?
I always kept it open for you
and only you could put this poison inside
You cannot help how you feel so why would you?

I can't ever come back here again (repeat)
I can't ever escape

This was no way to bring me back
I told you I'd be dead
I still do not know where parts of me have gone
Whereever you are, I'm just a missing corpse
I've seen death with my own eyes before
Now I feel that's all we are
Can't you see what you're doing?
Takes away all of my last hope?
Can't you see what you've done leaves me so alone?
Track Name: Horror Stories
HORROR STORIES

I'm trying not to throw up
All these things that make me sick
The horror stories you keep on leaving around for me to read

I've tried to ignore them
I've tried to smash them to pieces
But the character I always end up losing is me

I'm trying to let go
Of all those things I once valued
Now I know they only meant something to me

I've tried to delete them
I'm trying to change them
Without them, the good parts are all missing

I'm trying to pretend
This is not where everything ends
But all I have is words that leave a trail of lies

I've tried to not care
I've tried to find my own secrets
But I've already shared all of mine
Track Name: Irreversible
IRREVERSIBLE

Once the damage is there, it's irreversible
and you really can start to feel it all
as your life flashes before your eyes

All the tablets make your pain mellow
As your skin starts to turn yellow
As they rot away all of you inside

but there you had died anyway
All that matters is yesterday
Which you can never go back to
Take a back seat to the life that played
Nothing but a mind game
That no one would ever want to go through

Visions fasten up like pressing forward
and never being able to let it go
As your brain or what's left of it disappear
This is what you want, you convince yourself
No more thoughts means no more hell
but somehow you're still here

but you couldn't live when you felt more alive
Always trying to escape some ones beehive
As they stung right behind yourself
Just because you're here, it doesn't mean you survived
I was just looking up at the sky, while falling like a kite

How can you turn around something so locked down?
Or even begin to lift it off the ground
You're captured inside a prison
Left to decompose and never be found
It's all irreversible and the memories weigh me down

How can you put all those pills down?
When they're the only ones that found
Somewhere else away from all the sounds
Of your heart breaking
It's all irreversible and there's no way out of here now
You're someone you don't know and who you were is forever bound
It's all irreversible and the memories weigh me down
Track Name: It's All Over
IT'S ALL OVER

Sinking in my tears, it's been this way for years
I never reached the lifefloat that never sailed to me
Opening my cage, all there is is rage
To come outside and ruin me

I'll never beg again, I'll never say I'm hurt
Just so they can take advantage
I'll never dream again, I know it's all nightmares
Waiting for their turn to come true

Blinking back the thoughts, I've become a robot
All I need is the switch to turn myself off
Open all the doors, the hinges are already pulled
There's no such thing as a safety lock

I'll never live again, I'll never be the same
It's too late now to change anything
I'll never scream again, I'll never find a friend
In the past that gave me only bad endings

Falling into sleep, I will learn to peep
Into every hole that's always opening
Down into the dark, it's only laughter
That echoes back at me

I'll never look again, I'll never believe again
When all that's real is really lying
I'll never love again, I'll never hate like this
Because I cannot feel anything
Track Name: Keeping Myself Silent
KEEPING MYSELF SILENT

If sleep will not come, I'll just stay right here
There's no one to wake me from my nightmares

I will close my eyes, try to forget the faces that betrayed me
but then I would remember nobody

I'm so tired with this misery always getting between us
I have nothing left to do but frown
I only want to tell you the truth and be good to you
but it's a hard lesson I still haven't found

If dreams will not go, but can never come true
I don't need to be here next to you
Playing out thoughts, or looking forward
I can do it all in my own head and keep myself silent
I keep myself silent
Track Name: Killing Images
KILLING IMAGES

Words hanging empty
I finally see clearly
Disconnected from everywhere
Believing in something gets you nowhere

Days of happy smiles can no longer be pretended
I must give as little as I've been treated

Pull the trigger at the superficial
Say goodbye to entire world
When you judge me by your standards
It makes it clear how little you have
Point the finger at yourself
and then we'll see how much you have to say

This is the truth, apparently
It's like saying I saved them...well nearly
Days of happiness never existed
So how will I ever remember them
Mornings of better times
Were just waiting to reach the other end
Track Name: Knees Weaken First
KNEES WEAKEN FIRST

The wrong choice of words can ruin my day
I cannot exit the place I turned to escape
There are no sympathy votes anywhere here
You clear up their mess and have to wipe your own tears

I grow invisible as I empty each ashtray
Unable to distinguish between choice and fate
All of those delivery lines come with forged signatures
Nothing ever gets any better

I wound the blinds up every time I couldn't see any more
Reality is all lies, you never get what you ask for (Work for)
Maybe you can learn the lesson if you've the energy to play the game
but I'm done and I'm gone and there's no button to press erase

The feet you once stood on have split apart at the heels
All the times you should have run, you could only remain still
I burn out before I can carry myself through
The doors are too heavy to lift in my shoes

Swallowing death while fighting for a life I never wanted to live
Because everybody wants more than they're willing to give
and I can't take it
Nothing ever gets any better
Track Name: Mind Flickers
Mind Flickers

The images of mind are flickering
There is no time, only spaces inbetween
When every fulfilled dream makes it's vacancy
Does this mean we prefer our lifes empty?
and that is the joy?

The pages are always turning
Away from the story you're meant to be learning
Just to find in the end, they're all made up

What is there to keep putting faith in?
All of my mistakes were while I was believing
That anything actually meant more then it really did
My thoughts stay broken, they're my paralysis
Healing is only another scar, hiding the wounds from opening

I fell asleep before finishing
All of the reasons that I was living
I couldn't keep on listening with the mind I had before
Track Name: My Creation
MY CREATION

You keep the demons running through my mind
With a smile on your face
Is it because you recognise that they look so much like you?
I know you do not see the pain I'm going through
but I think even if you did
You could never help me

I thought that love was giving up the parts that hurt
but all you give me is another broken heart
I feel so shut away from everything I thought we were
Now I know it was all

(Just) my creation
It was just an illusion
A lot like life itself
All I can say is now I've reached the end
I know that all life is is hell

How can so many be so blind
To the depravity of the mind
I witnessed all of mine until it killed me
but that still wasn't good enough for yourself
Now I have to take on yours too
but it's too late because I'm already gone from...

There's nobody that can help me now
Not that they'd ever want to

So now I'm lost in places I've never visited before
All those times I tried but what for?
I should have known this was the only way for me
Whether or not I chose
All my memories, I cannot escape
Though if I could, I'd turn them off all one by one
Until I could not see any trace of myself
As I feel that's all that's left of me in...
Track Name: My Turn
MY TURN

It takes a while to catch up
To all those things that never quite pass
Now I can see all of the words you mispelt
When pronounced to me

I watch the fans, calmly
Blowing away anything that ever meant something

Don't ask me, I am not your saviour
I've just been a good samaritan
but when I need something,you always give me nothing in return
Now it's my time to play the villian

In all the times I looked up
All I ever saw was myself falling down
Then, I couldn't see as clearly
The confusion I'm buried in now

I see the emergency cords staring at me
but I know there's no use in pulling them
Track Name: Horror Stories 2 (Vocals)
HORROR STORIES 2 (Vocals)

I'm trying to just stop
Accept how hopeless it all is
How all my hard work only kept me penniless

I've tried to just sit back and I've tried to find contact
but all I have is rope around my neck

I'm trying to forget where the horror stories started
but if I could, I would have already

I've tried to disconnect and I've tried to avenge
but how can I get past what never leaves?

I'm trying to dismiss everything we ever said
but I'm left wondering what memories to keep

I've tried every drug, I've given everything up
Now all I want is permanent sleep