Demos 2010 CD1 (First Takes)

by Sorrow Stories

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about

Demos 2010 (CD1)

Note from Tina Forlorn:

These songs are very raw and were recorded when I didn't have good quality/or the right equipment nor any experience or knowledge of recording/production. Many of the tracks were recorded at the time of creation, often having only just decided how the music or singing was going to go, sometimes upon hitting the record button. Therefore, these are first takes, there are mistakes but there is a natural experience that can only be captured from the first time which for those of you who can look past these things, can hopefully appreciate. Somewhere in the future, you may hear these songs from me again in better quality and/or as different versions.

credits

released November 18, 2015

All music, lyrics, production, rights by Sorrow Stories.

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Sorrow Stories London, UK

Sorrow Stories is an One-Female Band created by Tina Forlorn.

On database with 'The Main Idea', a US company who are known for TV Ads.

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Track Name: Loneliness Never Fails
LONELINESS NEVER FAILS

Tortured by the thoughts given to me
Like bad intent is the only way how
I've pinned back my eyes far to see
The blinds have been pulled further down

I tremor in every act I attempt
Waiting for the negative to show its face
How can I believe in the opposite
When I've never even had a taste

All I ever find
Whether truth or lies
In the back of my mind
Right in front of my eyes
Even when it's stale
Loneliness never fails

Finished and can't remember when
I enjoyed the start of it
The memories just do not fit it
With anything I wanted

The new views could be pretty
but my thoughts just won't come with me
When I ask them to erase my misery

All I ever know
Whether fact or suppose
In the illusions
Or realities
Always my best pal
Loneliness never fails

Loneliness
Loneliness is never
Loneliness
Loneliness never fails
Track Name: Everyone's A Stranger
EVERYONE'S A STRANGER

Little secrets
Reveal who you really are in the end
and what they carry
Describes the things you're afraid of being

Little words
Sometimes speak less truth than silence
Little moments
Can change settled decisions in one second

Everyone's a stranger
Changes take place all the time
Nobody's ever open completely
Everyone's a little strange
No more so then yourself

Little loves
Rarely go on in the present
Memories hold all the scars
Of our true desires

Little thoughts
Flicker from thing to person
Loyalty's not something you
Can even hire

Little hearts
Strain to be big and break from something more
Little brains
Never have to focus on what's missing
Let alone what they're living for

Everyone's a stranger
Years can divide you stronger
Than the times you've known
Inside us all lies a well kept character
Who makes a life of its own
Everyone's a little strange
In their own way
Don't rely on them
When you can't even count
The people behind your own face
Everyone's a stranger
Track Name: He Only Loves Me When I'm Smiling
HE ONLY LOVES ME WHEN I'M SMILING

He'll turn to me and demand why are you frowning?
Isn't the sadness of the world enough, I respond
If laughter doesn't jeer at my teeth, if I can't react enthusiastically
How quick can I become displeasing?

He needs me to brighten up his day and never speak of damaged times
The past is forgotten and today is tomorrows sigh
My feelings are an attack against his factual mind

He only loves me when I'm smiling
He'll turn away from my sad eyes
When the tears start, he'll pass me the tissues
He'll snap at me for my temper and forbids me to speak my truth
He'll tell me to remember his next to me but his not by my side
Because he only loves me when I'm smiling

He'll deny his own misbehaviour if I'm pointing it out
My needs stay undelivered and still, silence is no reward
He only loves me when I'm smiling
but my mind's shaped like a frowning

He only wants to make me happy (repeat)
but my mind's shaped like a frown
He only loves me when I'm smiling
Track Name: Four Walls
FOUR WALLS

Leave me alone. Give me a moment of rest.
Let me feel nothing for once
When all there is is pain
I know you don't understand.
No matter how I explain
You're not my punching bag
but I'm always your bloodstain

Now all I see are these four walls
They could be the same as all of the others
I ever had to hide behind
If I ever really knew then
I could never leave this prison

I would never of tried or spoken
I should of just stayed of myself

From the first moment I remember
I was never allowed a second of peace
All I want to do is go somewhere I can release myself
and how I feel inside for all of this time
All that spilled out is words you never heard
I can't see another day ahead
but I dread that it's coming...
Track Name: Further Excuses
FURTHER EXCUSES

Thoughts deranged and I can't change my mind
Time can't change what the memory doesn't remember
Even the short ends of wishes never coming true
Picking up the pieces that never fitted together

I don't believe a thing you say
and now I know I never will
I don't believe a thing you said
and now I know I never could

Blanking out each pain that shaped a tear drop
Each picture returns, unexpected, always reminding me
The further I go, the more I miss the future
Where all my presence is in debt to struggling
Words keep me bored to the core of my frustrations
Sense of dignity is lost amongst the crowds
Somewhere I slept all the way through my dreams
To see that I was never going to find my way out
Track Name: Darkness
DARKNESS

Been spending so much time underground
I guess my eyes adjusted to the lack of light
I got covered in darkness, covered in darkness

Hibernating, always waiting for something new
Happiness always ending
In the blink of an eye, there was no one attending

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know is I got covered in darkness

Ever wonder why I never really truly connect
Although my eyes are open
I can hold your gaze but I'm never connected, never connected
I am famous for my generosity, they say I am the kindest
It is easier to give then receive love, give then receive love

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know I was covered in darkness

Turn the pages over, run away to nowhere
and it's hard to take control when your enemies old and afraid of you
You discover that the monster you are running from is the monster in you

Better to hold to love, better to hold on to love
Change will come

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know I was lost, I feel lost, no
Track Name: Expectations
EXPECTATIONS

I'm just a fragment left over from a past time
Judged by every step that I made
Led blindly through entry doors
Abandoned when I used my own mind

The war of the mind is the one that ends last
Can't fight these feelings from yourself
Unless you have no feelings (repeat)

Just when you know it's the final straw from you
Something comes along to pick you up from the floor
Before slamming you down on your face
Just when you feel things start to improve
It really comes as no surprise to you
When things take a turn for the worse again

I'm just a story on aquaintences lips
Most of the time they just turn the pages
I'll just be a headstone for all of my values
For which have already passed

The war of the heart is the one that ends last
After you are crippled inside
If you ever had one, if you ever had one to break
Track Name: Pinocchio
PINOCCHIO

Harmed by everything as it all touches me now
Where there was once feeling, it's now all just wound
I settle into the dirt beneath my feet
It kicks itself at me as I try to find my way up

My mind is caving in and all I have is the weight of my thoughts
I've never felt this claustrophobic
I'm screaming let me out to the walls on the other side
There's no knocking them down, ever

There's not a single face I can express to
How meaningless they've become to me
When you give everything away
The other hand always pulls back empty

I looked to your heart to try to recover
From all of the damage you've done to me
but through the lips of those you love
Only ever whispers one thing
I am Pinocchio
Track Name: Kneecapped
KNEECAPPED

My knee caps speak in trembles
As the lights reach out and take hold of me
My stomach is heaving
As reality tries to strangle me

Messages speak into the centre of my brain
Then I'm about to pass out again

I pay the price of feeling so good
I know how much this is misunderstood
Because life could never be this way
(Which is why I will not return today)

Underneath my strolling eyes
I glow red, I shade black
The feelings that endorse me
Are worth the stabbings in my back
I'll try to keep a grip and stay afloat
I'm not sorry I've chucked myself overboard
Track Name: Corners Of My Mind
CORNERS OF MY MIND

My eyes peer under each wound I'm carrying
I cannot learn to get comfortable with any of them
Notice all of the hours that seem to be missing
I doubt anything good could have been their replacement

I feel such desperation when I reach consciousness
Deprived of ever knowing what it would feel like to rest

Turning through the corners of my mind
It's always the same road it's taking me down
I used to know the excuses I had to keep on living
I've forgotten all of the reasons why now
Track Name: Welcome Inn
WELCOME INN

All the words spill out like blood
The most sour of expression is the most true
I fell into the world guided by the shadows of my superiors
I tried to claw my way out but I broke all of my fingers

All the fetuses arrive dead the moment their first influence takes place
I was abandoned. My other faces have misplaced me now

All the promises are splattered with blood.
The most true outcome of what they meant
I fell into further darkness, guided by the shadows of myself
I tried to fight my way out but my fists fell into open hands upon my face

This life has no welcome inn
Humans have no reason for being
Creation makes its own rewards
Chances only go by what they can afford
This death has no time to tell
This world we live in is the only hell
Destruction is the only purpose
Idle always win first and second and third
Track Name: Long Nights
LONG NIGHTS

The grey night sky is closing in upon me
As I switch places with my other self
The open books only print blank pages
Of the stories that stay hidden in the detail

A calm thought is all I need to keep me passive
but the tranquillity doesn't come easily
but when it does, when it does
It is still worth the dosage of what they used to kill me

Falling into dreams that hold your only life now
Where did I part with all of the other sides?
I'm reaching places I am never going to...
but they help me to pretend that I am still alive
This could be a coma I'm hibernating in
Are any of my loved ones waiting for me outside of it?
I just need a signal, or maybe just a torch switched on
Because all that's surrounding is the darkness I'm slipping on

As your head hangs in shame
Of all the things you've been learning to accept
I feel so numb, the words crumble out of my lips
and I hardly remember what I can't forget
It hurts so much to still be here
but that's okay because I hardly ever am
When you see the fingers holding you back
Do you recognise them attached to your own hands?

The cold, falling rain is soaking me
With the tears I cannot cry any more
I don't know what love is
but it feels like the hate I used to know
If the door is closed, how can you open it?
and when it's wide, when is it safe to walk through?
Nobody will stop you from making a mistake
but when it's done, they will laugh at and scold you
Track Name: Nowhere Near You
NOWHERE NEAR YOU

The cold winds speak to me bitterly as the Winter takes its approach
I never expected this news so suddenly from a place so far
The pictures in my mind of your memory seem so long ago, I guess they were
but for all that was said and all that was done, you never left my heart
Any more than a cloud hiding behind the sun

I need to go to all things special other children know
but I don't remember what they were
I missed out on many things, one of them was you
and now the emptiness is all that runs through
Whatever is left of me

The opportunities have gone to reminisce anything lost
Too late to start to remind myself of what I should be holding onto
For I will wake up and feel this hold, the same push I've felt before
and I will reach out with longer arms and still find I am just as far
and nowhere near you
I'm nowhere near you

The same solemn Winter comes around again
and leaves me in the darkest of evenings
I cannot believe what I wasn't told
and I didn't think I could feel worse than before
but I was wrong but for all that was said and done
You never left my heart, I was just being left alone

I cannot reform, you've scratched me out of your pictures
and that is all I have to remember what you feel about me
I'm only nowhere near yourself
The distance was miles and now that's all it'll ever be
Track Name: Far-A-Way Lands
FAR-A-WAY LANDS

The time has come but all times have change
I sit upon my arms of disarray
and start to see who I've left behind
the chemicals in my face
So worn down, I close my eyes
and still can't rest but I do try
The least I can expect today
Is that I could feel better in any way

On and on, the days roll on
Although found, I'm still gone
Maybe further than before
I could take a pill for the sores
and I miss you like my best friend
Who betrayed me in the end
and I crave just a sip of a poison
to fill my lips

I'm reminded in all I do
and the longer it is, the more I long for you
and I dread the day I'll break
The amount of days it took to make
the images smaller of the lines I sniffed
and the embrace, it held me like a wish
coming true but now I'm coming down
and all I see is the ground

This is no place to come back to
My past is dead and all my meaning to
carry on was left so long ago
and I don't know how to
live and function amongst the dead
when in my head I was so dead long before
Shut my eyes and count to ten
when all the feelings get too intense
and just as I reach for old habit
I have to learn to swallow it
Just like all the pills before
and all the times I wanted more
I don't know if there's an end
but I only can start to begin
A new place I will call my own
Without the white smoke covering my windows
Track Name: Graveyards
GRAVEYARDS

What am I becoming?
Now just a shell of how I used to dream
For every cut I've tried to seal
My skin's ripping all other parts of me

I tried to get outside myself and run as far as I could go
There was no way to go back, change these events
That left me with feelings I was never allowed to show
but I still get pulled further within, back to all those graveyards
I've already been.
I just cannot stop dying

When will this life let me go?
I've already suffered enough, don't you know?
I'm being held onto like a puppet on strings
Hammered through my head
Someone please untangle me

If from the beginning, things had been different
Would I be able to make sense of anything now?
Or would I still know that the more bad information stored
The more the virus is breaking out?

I tried to look at myself and change all of the ways
That needed to go
All I recognised was that I needed to delete it all
I could never escape the past as it defines the future
Trying to ignore both in the present
Visiting all of the graveyards that have abandoned me
I cannot stop losing everything

When will death stop saying no?
I've never been more willing to go
I am being held up like a machine
All I have are feelings, someone pull the plug on me
Track Name: Lonely Days
LONELY DAYS

Long, lonely days have always felt too familiar
Trying to unfold the thoughts before I can throw them away
My pain, in their eyes, it is trivial
I am all the parts I've lost along the way

Can't stop this pain
While they complain about how I should be feeling okay
What do I have to smile about today?
Do I have to? (repeat)
Just for you?

After all the tears that have turned on in my eyes like waterfalls trapped
Can't stop this pain
While they complain about how I should be feeling okay
Can't stop this pain
Do you have to?
Track Name: Unobservant
UNOBSERVANT

She stares at the floor as she mumbles
Something about contentment
As the syringe find it's way into her skin
She finally feels complete

He gets into the strangers car
Ready to be the next sex slave
The rich and the sick have brought his time
but he won't be going home any time soon

She's six years old and doesn't even know
How baby's are made
but her father really wants to show her
While she tries to shake off yesterdays nightmares

He hides in the corner, shaking in fear
Another fight chills the back of his ears
Something is being broken, no more then his security
The covers get further over his head as he crawls into sleep

She wears make-up to hide the bruising
Tries to stand straight as she limps into a walk
She knows she cannot leave
He'll kill her and her unborn child
Track Name: Close My Eyes (Vocals)
CLOSE MY EYES

I just opened my eyes, now my life has gone
I finally found the truth is what I knew all along
I really am all alone, where everyone's in the devil in disguise
and how you all took me by surprise but
Nothing can justify their behaviour

It was never you and me against the world
Only you and them against me
Now I know all of my enemies
I need no more friends

I tried to shut my eyes one, more time
but these thoughts will never separate from my mind
I will take every one of your bloody lines
and bleed all over it

Feeling the need to amputate
and try and put something back into the emptiness
but now that's all I have
I'll open up and let you all in to die